


Under That Weight

by stardropdream



Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 14:59:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5210255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardropdream/pseuds/stardropdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first and the last "I love you".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under That Weight

**Author's Note:**

> Drabble prompt on tumblr for the first and last I love you between portamis. 
> 
> Spoiler alert: It is not a death fic. I kind of cheated in that way, since I really don’t like writing death fics unless I'm in a specific mood.

“I love you,” he says and holds his breath. Saying it now feels too much like fear on his tongue, that steady moment where he knows that everything he’s wanted, everything he’s tried to hold on to will now leave him forever.

But Porthos smiles at him and his eyes are so soft and gentle, look as if he’ll cry. He reaches for him, cups his face, fans his thumbs over his cheekbones, and whispers, “I love you, too.”

And that, really, is simple. The words spoken now, made real on the air in his lungs, makes him feel lighter – and yet grounded once more. The secret has gnawed at him for too long.

-

Every time he says it, he fears it’ll be the last time he’ll be able to say it. He envies Porthos’ steadiness, his surety of their survival – never believing that one of them might die before he’s actually faced with it. For Aramis, every time that Porthos wades into battle, he fears it’ll be the last time he sees him smile, the last time he hears him laugh, the last time he’ll feel the ghost of his fingertips against his back as they move through this war. 

He looks at him, can’t speak it, not out in the open like this, not after all this time – but he knows that Porthos understands, can see it in the way he smiles, in the way his expression gentles even in the midst of battle and blood. 

Don’t let this be the last time, Aramis begs to God and the heavens and everything that is holy. Begs for Porthos to survive. Just this once, don’t let him lose the person he loves. Just this once—

“I love you,” he says, softly, to himself – unheard in the chaos around him. And he hopes, cripplingly so, that it won’t be the last time he’ll get to say it.


End file.
